Ask Kari: Should I be concerned after I found a flirtatious email from my husband to another woman?

Dear Kari,

I found a flirtatious email on my husband’s computer when I was looking for something else (our upcoming vacation itinerary). I was shocked to see in words him flirting with another woman. He commented repeatedly on her looks and offered to meet her for coffee or a drink. I am heartbroken, but I don’t know if I want to bring it up with him or not. Do you think I should be concerned or just forget about it?

--Heartbroken and Sad

Dear Heartbroken and Sad,

It sounds like whatever you saw in your husband’s email to another woman gave you the feeling that he was interested in establishing an intimate connection with her. I am sorry that your heart is hurt over this matter. I recommend you approach your husband and state that you saw the email accidentally. Then calmly state that you are hurt and confused that he would speak to another woman like that. Follow this statement up with asking him if he is already involved with her or what his intentions with her are. This will be a very hard conversation to have, but I feel that not doing so could lead to more hurtful times in your future, as ignoring this situation will not make what you read go away.


As published in the August 2013 issue of Connections.

About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and the owner and Clinical Director of Issaquah Highlands Counseling Group (IHCG), which is now Kari O’Neill Counseling.

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