Ask Kari

Ask Kari: My wife won’t let anyone babysit our kids — what can I do to get some alone time with her?

Ask Kari: My wife won’t let anyone babysit our kids — what can I do to get some alone time with her?

I am desperate for alone time with my wife. We have two children, ages 2 and 4, and she is a great mom but she will absolutely not let anyone babysit the kids so that we can have a date night. At first, I was understanding, but four years in, I have lost my patience. Help me, I am lonely in the marriage even though we are together all the time (but it’s with our kids 24/7). What do you suggest I do?

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Ask Kari: My coworker has bad body odor — help!

Ask Kari: My coworker has bad body odor — help!

I need help with a very weird situation that is happening at work. My colleague is a nice guy, but he stinks! He has both personal body odor going on, and bad breath. How do I causally mention to him that his body odor is offensive and that’s why people avoid him? I have offered him a breath mint more than once, thinking that he would take the hint, but it did not work.

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Ask Kari: How Much Do I Need to Tell My New Boyfriend?

Ask Kari: How Much Do I Need to Tell My New Boyfriend?

I am dating someone new and we get along great. We have been together for four months and I feel like I know him really well, but I have not been completely honest with him. I told him that I have never been married before and I have. It was a brief marriage for less than a year. I really don’t even count it because right after we got married, we only lived together for three months before I moved out. Do you think I need to tell my new boyfriend about the marriage or just keep it to myself?

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Ask Kari: My neighbors are harassing us. What do we do?

Ask Kari: My neighbors are harassing us. What do we do?

We have had a long history of drama with the neighbor who lives behind us. It all started with a boundary line dispute when he suddenly claimed about 6 feet of our back yard. My husband and I thought things would settle with a survey and a fence, but drama continued. He pointed profanity-laced signs toward our house, out of the view of other neighbors, that expressed his displeasure with us. He stood behind our house saying threatening, foul things at the top of his lungs; aimed strobe lights and work lights at our bedroom windows; and a rock was thrown through one of our windows. His behavior worsens whenever my husband is out of town, so I wonder if we are being watched. We have not engaged with him since the survey, no matter how annoying his behavior is, as we do not want to escalate the situation. Do you have any better suggestions?

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Ask Kari: After my divorce, how can I find someone to share my life with (without having more kids)?

Ask Kari: After my divorce, how can I find someone to share my life with (without having more kids)?

I’m a well-traveled (50 countries), 55-year-old, heterosexual man. A year ago, I purchased a townhouse in Issaquah Highlands where I now reside alone. Six years ago, I got divorced, and my young son from that marriage spends every weekend with me. I exercise regularly and I am vegan. My problem is that since my divorce, I haven’t met anyone. It seems to me I should be somewhat of a catch. But I’m obviously wrong. I do not want to be a father to any more kids. I just want someone with whom I can share my life. Do you see any issues? What can I do?

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Ask Kari: My teenage son smokes weed every day — how can I convince him to stop?

Ask Kari: My teenage son smokes weed every day — how can I convince him to stop?

My teenage son smokes marijuana almost daily. He is barely keeping up with his schoolwork and I am afraid that he will not finish high school. I have tried to motivate him to stay focused on school and to stop using marijuana but he refuses to do so. I am beginning to wonder if he is using other drugs too at this point. How can I get through to him that using drugs is not a good life plan?

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Ask Kari: How can I get my wife to go to bed at the same time as me each night?

Ask Kari: How can I get my wife to go to bed at the same time as me each night?

My wife and I keep fighting over my request for her to come to bed at the same time as me. I go to bed around 10:00 PM each night, but my wife likes to stay up until midnight. After a long day with our jobs and our kids, I would like us to connect up by talking for a few minutes, maybe watch some TV then kiss each other good night and go to bed at the same time. We fight about this constantly, as my wife feels that I am trying to control her. How can I get her to do what I want and stop the fighting between us?

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Ask Kari: Should I let my college son’s girlfriend sleep over at our home?

Ask Kari: Should I let my college son’s girlfriend sleep over at our home?

My 21 year-old college son wants to have his girlfriend sleep over at our home when they visit for the holidays. I am happy to have her stay with us, but I do not feel that they should sleep in the same bedroom. My husband disagrees; he feels that our son is an adult and sleeping with his girlfriend is acceptable. This is causing a lot of strife in our family, please help.

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Ask Kari: After a stressful time last year, should I invite all my immediate family over for the holidays this year?

Ask Kari: After a stressful time last year, should I invite all my immediate family over for the holidays this year?

The holidays are coming up and I am debating whether to invite all my immediate family members (in-laws, parents, siblings). Last year went poorly and ended up being stressful for everyone due to people disrespecting personal boundaries and being unkind. My two siblings fought with each other throughout the evening, some of the kids did not like the food that was served and complained non-stop, and my mother-in-law was grumpy to everyone. I love them all, but I do not know if I can go through it all again this year. I am hopeful, but also realistic. What do you think I should do, should I give it another try?

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Ask Kari: How can I stop my parents from continuing to loan my brother money?

Ask Kari: How can I stop my parents from continuing to loan my brother money?

My parents recently lent my brother much of their savings due to his current financial challenges. He has a history of not paying his bills and living way past his means, always blaming someone else for his problems. He has never paid them back for any of his previous loans and I can’t contain my anger at how my brother keeps abusing my parents and their money. What should I say to him to make this situation stop?

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Ask Kari: Why do I feel so lonely in my marriage?

Ask Kari: Why do I feel so lonely in my marriage?

My husband and I lead a boring life. I feel like I cannot take another day of us living in the same home but not speaking to each other except to check in with what’s for dinner each night. I have tried everything, including marriage counseling with him and nothing changes. Everyday I think about leaving him but I never make it to the door or follow through with making a real effort to save myself. What is wrong with me?

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Ask Kari: How can I face my neighbors after a very uncomfortable neighborhood party?

Ask Kari: How can I face my neighbors after a very uncomfortable neighborhood party?

My husband and I went to a party in our neighborhood recently at our good friends’ house. I knew almost everyone in attendance and I was having a good time until the hosts decided that we needed to play an adult game of spin the bottle. I found myself in a position that was very uncomfortable, as I know all these people very well, and by no means did I want to kiss them. I was shocked that my friends would suggest that we entertain ourselves by engaging in such a game. My husband and I left pretty soon after the game started, but now I am struggling with how to interact with everyone who was at the party and participated in the game. Our kids play together, how can I look at them knowing that they engaged in kissing someone other than their spouse? I am so confused by this, I truly don’t know what to do or how to feel about the situation at this point. Please help me figure this out.

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Ask Kari: My teenage daughter cuts herself — what should I do?

Ask Kari: My teenage daughter cuts herself — what should I do?

My daughter is 13 y.o. and is cutting herself. I am so confused as why she is harming herself in this way, as she is deeply loved by her father and me. She has been struggling this school year both academically and socially, but I thought it was just normal adolescent struggles, but now I feel different. What is the best thing I can do to help her?

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Ask Kari: How can I build my self-confidence when talking to women?

Ask Kari: How can I build my self-confidence when talking to women?

I have a problem that I have been struggling with since I was a teenager. I freeze when I talk to women. I have been trying to gain a level of comfort when talking to females, but I don’t really know where to start. I want to get married someday and have a family, but at this rate it will never happen for me. How can I get my game on with women?

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Ask Kari: How can I support my friend whose mother is dying of cancer?

Ask Kari: How can I support my friend whose mother is dying of cancer?

I recently had an uncomfortable exchange with a friend whose mother is dying from cancer. I asked her how she was doing handling her mother’s impending death and she began to cry uncontrollably. I did not know what to do. I was truly at a loss for words on how best to support her. What would you have done? Why am I so uncomfortable around the topic of death and illness?

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Ask Kari: Should I be concerned after I found a flirtatious email from my husband to another woman?

Ask Kari: Should I be concerned after I found a flirtatious email from my husband to another woman?

I found a flirtatious email on my husband’s computer when I was looking for something else (our upcoming vacation itinerary). I was shocked to see in words him flirting with another woman. He commented repeatedly on her looks and offered to meet her for coffee or a drink. I am heartbroken, but I don’t know if I want to bring it up with him or not. Do you think I should be concerned or just forget about it?

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Ask Kari: How can I enforce that my son do his chores around the house?

Ask Kari: How can I enforce that my son do his chores around the house?

Dear Kari,

I am struggling with how to punish my son when he doesn’t do his chores around the house. It seems to be that all I have as discipline is to take away his phone or his computer. But, he needs his computer for summer school and the phone helps me keep in touch with him. What can I do to enforce the rules in my home?

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Ask Kari: I want to go to college but I’m afraid I’m too old. What can I do?

Ask Kari: I want to go to college but I’m afraid I’m too old. What can I do?

I recently became unemployed because the business where I worked closed. I am 34 years old and I have always wanted to go to college and get my degree in education so that I can become a teacher. Should I try attempting my goal now or am I too old to reach this goal? What if I am the oldest student in my classes? I am scared to go for it because I have always worked in restaurants, not schools. What do you think I should do?

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Ask Kari: Can I have a serious relationship with a man I met on Tinder?

Ask Kari: Can I have a serious relationship with a man I met on Tinder?

I met someone on Tinder and I really like them. Although we both originally said that we were only looking to hook up and hang out, I have become attached to the guy. Do you think I should take a chance and tell them how I really feel? Do you think that we have a chance at a real relationship? Wouldn’t it be crazy if we got married!

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Ask Kari: How should I respond after I saw my friends offer alcohol to their underage child on social media?

Ask Kari: How should I respond after I saw my friends offer alcohol to their underage child on social media?

I recently saw my good friends offering alcohol to their minor child on social media. My friends are way past the age of knowing better, and their child is only 14. I was shocked that this was posted in pictures via another family remember and that they allowed it to happen in the first place. Seeing this changes my feelings about them as parents and makes me cautious to the point of even wanting to spend time with them in the future. How would you respond? Would you tell them your feelings about the situation or let it go?

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Ask Kari: Why does my husband spend so much time at the local bar after work?

Ask Kari: Why does my husband spend so much time at the local bar after work?

My husband has been hanging out at the local restaurant in the bar area more and more in the past six months. Sometimes he will come home from work and then go right down the hill to the bar, missing out on spending time at home with our children and me. I am beginning to suspect that either he is having an affair or he is avoiding the responsibilities of our home life. He tells me he just needs a place to wind down his day and not to worry. What do you think is going on?

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Ask Kari: What should I do after my mother said she never loved me?

Ask Kari: What should I do after my mother said she never loved me?

My mother and I recently had a fight and she told me that she never loved me. I cannot believe at 43 years old, my mother has said such unkind words to me. We have always had a hard relationship, and I questioned if she has liked me all my life, but never if she loved me. How can a mother even say this to their child? Where do I go from here? Do I pursue talking with her about her hateful words, or do I just let it go and never speak to her again?

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Ask Kari: How can I stop my friend from gossiping about other friends?

Ask Kari: How can I stop my friend from gossiping about other friends?

I have a really good friend that talks about our larger group of friends behind their backs to me. I try and not engage, but she keeps going on and on and at some point, I just nod to stop her from talking. How do you think I can approach her about my uncomfortable feelings around her behavior? I am worried that word will get around that I am gossiping about people that I really care about.

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Ask Kari: My son has no plans after graduating high school — what should I do?

Ask Kari: My son has no plans after graduating high school — what should I do?

My child is graduating high school this year and has no plans for what is next for him. I have repeatedly tried to help my son consider some choices such as going to a trade school, getting a job, take a few classes at the local community college, anything that gets him moving on past high school. My son keeps telling me that he doesn’t want to talk about what’s next for him. Help, what should I do?

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Ask Kari: After my father spent his retirement money, he wants to move in with us. What should I do?

Ask Kari: After my father spent his retirement money, he wants to move in with us. What should I do?

I have a family crisis going on that is completely stressing me out. My dad is 71 and did not save enough money for retirement and now wants to move in with my family and me. I have another sibling who already turned him down due to limitations of space in his home, and now my dad is asking me for help. What can I do? I do not want my father to live with us, and I resent that he spent all his money for his retirement traveling for the past five years. But I can’t let him end up on the street. My wife does not want him moving in with us. What should I do?

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Ask Kari: How can I address my daughter’s revealing style choices?

Ask Kari: How can I address my daughter’s revealing style choices?

I have a teenage daughter that loves fashion. Unfortunately, she is drawn to wearing outfits that show off more of her body than I would like. She thinks that I am “too conservative”. I feel that she is sending out the wrong message to others through her choice of clothing. How can we come to an agreement of peace within our family?

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Ask Kari: How should I ask my son if he’s using drugs?

Ask Kari: How should I ask my son if he’s using drugs?

My son came home for the holidays from college and I think he might be using drugs. He spent most of the visit in his room or meeting up with friends outside our house. His mood went really up, and then really down. I kept asking him if he had a cold or was sick, but then it occurred to me that maybe he was using drugs and that is why his eyes were large and his nose was running constantly. How should I approach him about this?

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Ask Kari: How do I tell people I’m not ready to have a baby?

Ask Kari: How do I tell people I’m not ready to have a baby?

I have been married for three years, and everyone keeps asking me when I am planning on getting pregnant. How do I get people to stop forcing their planning on me? I may want to have children in the future, but I want to do it on my time schedule not someone else’s. Please help me with what I should say to people to stop their interference in my personal life?

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Ask Kari: What should I do if I always see my neighbor’s children unattended?

Ask Kari: What should I do if I always see my neighbor’s children unattended?

I have an awkward situation going on in my neighborhood. My neighbor’s young children often wander the street by themselves, no parents to be seen anywhere. I am concerned for their three children, as anyone could snatch them up or cause harm to them without anyone knowing. They are nice neighbors to us, but seeing these kids walking around unattended asking to go into other peoples’ homes is worrying me. I feel like something bad is going to happen any day now.  What should I do?

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Ask Kari: How can I get my wife to stop posting so much about our lives on social media?

Ask Kari: How can I get my wife to stop posting so much about our lives on social media?

My wife is addicted to social media, i.e. Facebook. She has become obsessed with posting everything about our lives for the whole world to see. I don’t feel that everyone should know our every movement through the day; actually I don’t think they even care. But, my wife disagrees with me and just keeps on posting! We are now starting to fight about this. How can I get her to see that telling everyone our business is not good?

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Ask Kari: How should I respond when guests make backhanded comments about my nice home?

Ask Kari: How should I respond when guests make backhanded comments about my nice home?

I have a good friend at work that I have become close with. We both work in the same position at the same company, and probably earn close to the same salary. My challenge is that in the past when I invite people over to my house, they become uncomfortable with how nice it is. My parents were kind enough to gift me the house that I live in and helped me decorate it completely. It is a very nice home for someone my age, 26. How should I handle the comments that come when guests visit my home, especially the comments that seem to be backhanded and ask me how I paid for everything?

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Ask Kari: My friend’s father acts inappropriately towards me, what should I do?

Ask Kari: My friend’s father acts inappropriately towards me, what should I do?

I have a weird situation with my friend’s father. I am 20 years old, as is my friend. We have known each other since middle school. Almost every time I visit her home, her dad stares at me a little too long. He also makes jokes about my body and my looks in an inappropriate way. I know my friend notices, as her face drops each time, and she appears disgusted by her dad’s actions, but we have never talked about it further. I am starting to get really creeped out by him. What do you think that I should do?

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Ask Kari: I like someone at work- should I go for it?

Ask Kari: I like someone at work- should I go for it?

I have an issue going on at work that is confusing for me. I am the supervisor of a team at my company and one of my co-workers flirts with me. They typically flirt with me when we are alone, but also sometimes when we go out for lunch/dinner as a group. I like the attention, but I am not sure how I should respond. Should I go for it?

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Ask Kari: How can I avoid being a lonely empty-nester?

Ask Kari: How can I avoid being a lonely empty-nester?

My youngest child just graduated from college and I recently downsized my home. I moved to another town and at first felt excited about all the new changes in my life, but now I am finding myself scared and feeling lost with what is ahead for me. After raising a family and working most of my life, I now have options and choices, but I am afraid of making a mistake. Plus, I am feeling lonely most days with all this adult freedom. Help, how can I cope with all these changes and be happy?

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Ask Kari: I’m So Upset at How People Behave in Public

Ask Kari: I’m So Upset at How People Behave in Public

I am so upset at how people behave in public. Last week, I was parking my car in the parking lot at the local grocery store when a woman yelled at me from her car about “moving too slow.” She then proceeded to park her car and come over to me and yell at me again “for being stupid and selfish.” I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to yell back at her. I didn’t, but I wanted to. How should crazy people like this be handled?

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Ask Kari: My neighbor’s dogs are always barking! What do I do?

Ask Kari: My neighbor’s dogs are always barking! What do I do?

Our neighbor’s dogs drive us crazy. When they’re not home, they often leave their dogs outside on their small patio where they bark constantly for hours. They are large dogs and very loud, especially with our houses so close together. When our neighbors go on vacation, they leave the dogs home and have someone come in to take care of them, but they bark all night long, keeping us awake even with our windows closed. I’ve tried to talk to them about it, and text them when it’s especially bad. They apologize, but don’t do anything differently the next time. I’ve thought about calling the police (especially at 2 a.m. when I can’t sleep due to the barking), but I really don’t want to be that kind of neighbor. What can we do to make our neighbors realize how inconsiderate they are being, and start taking better care of their dogs?

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Ask Kari: How can I help my sister find her own path in life?

Ask Kari: How can I help my sister find her own path in life?

I am struggling with how to help my sister, as she “becomes” whomever she is dating. When she was dating an artist, she bought art supplies and began to paint. When she dated a musician, she bought a guitar and tried to start a band. When she dated a computer engineer, she began taking a computer class at the local college. I can’t take it anymore! Why can’t she just be herself and find her way without attaching herself to a man? Help me find a way to get her on the right track and find her own way in life.

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Ask Kari: Should I help my mother find love again after her divorce?

Ask Kari: Should I help my mother find love again after her divorce?

My mother has recently gotten divorced (her second marriage) and is struggling with what to do next. I am her only child, and she has become more dependent on me, which is becoming really stressful. How can I help her launch her life as a newly single person? Should I help her find a new love to keep her occupied?

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Ask Kari: My friend won’t talk to me now that we’re roommates — what should I do?

Ask Kari: My friend won’t talk to me now that we’re roommates — what should I do?

I am having a problem with my roommate. We were friends prior to moving in together last summer, but since we began living together, she keeps to herself most of the time. I have tried to talk with her to see if something is wrong or if I offended her, but she just dismisses me and states that she has nothing to say. Curiously, about the time that we moved in together she began dating her current boyfriend and I am wondering if he doesn’t like me and she is siding with him. What do you think I should do? 

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Ask Kari: Should I go to college next year or wait until I have more money saved up?

Ask Kari: Should I go to college next year or wait until I have more money saved up?

I am graduating this year from high school and I picked my college for next year, University of Washington. The problem is my parents have told me that they only have enough money to pay for one year of my schooling. I will be the first person from my family to go to college, but I am scared that I will get my dream of attending college and then lose it. Do you think I should go to college next year or wait until I have all the money saved up a few years from now?

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Ask Kari: My husband works ALL the time — how can I tell him I can’t live like this anymore?

Ask Kari: My husband works ALL the time — how can I tell him I can’t live like this anymore?

I am struggling with remaining married to my husband. He works all the time, leaving little time for our children or me. There’s always a new project, a new quarter, or an email or phone call that must be made or taken. I have waited for five years for things to change, but they haven’t. The most change I have seen is one week of him making it home for dinner, followed by months of him not coming home until after our children are asleep and I have been left alone for hours. How do I get him to see that I can’t live like this anymore?

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Ask Kari: My Son is Throwing Away His Life!

Ask Kari: My Son is Throwing Away His Life!

My son decided that college is not for him and he wants to drop out. He told me that he plans to move to Los Angeles to become an actor/musician. I am having a hard time with this, since he has never acted in a play in his life, nor does he sing or play an instrument very well. What can I do so that he does not throw away his life?

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Ask Kari: How Do I Handle a Manager That Yells at Everyone?

Ask Kari: How Do I Handle a Manager That Yells at Everyone?

I need help with how I can handle my manager at work who yells at everyone. He just walks around the office and has multiple outbursts at people during the work day. At this point people are becoming afraid to even engage with him. I am the assistant manager of the business and staff keep turning to me after he yells at them. This problem is becoming more overwhelming every day. Can you suggest what I can do to change things at the office?

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Ask Kari: My roommates won’t leave me alone. How can I work in peace?

Ask Kari: My roommates won’t leave me alone. How can I work in peace?

I live with two roommates who do not seem to understand that, while I do work from home, I
still need to work. They will pass by my office and ask me questions about my day, what’s up for
dinner, and even tell me they moved my laundry. I have asked them to be mindful of the fact that
I have work obligations and prefer not to be interrupted during the workday. Help! What do you
suggest I do to get my message received, once and for all?

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Ask Kari: I’ve been kind to our neighbors, why do they still ignore me?

Ask Kari: I’ve been kind to our neighbors, why do they still ignore me?

We have never gotten along with our next-door neighbors and I’m not really sure why. They seem to be great friends with most everyone else who lives on our street. The day we moved in, we introduced ourselves and got the strong feeling they didn’t like us. We made every effort to be friendly – invited them over, included them in parties, delivered cookies, but nothing changed. In fact, it feels like the animosity they have towards us has gotten worse in the 10 years we’ve been neighbors. It bothers me when we see them outside and try to say ‘hello,’ they go out of their way to ignore us. Even their teenage kids ignore us. The situation really gets me down; life is hard enough right now without having to worry about that kind of negativity every time I step out my front door. I have given up on being friends with them, but it would be nice if they would just smile or give a little neighborly wave when they see us. Any suggestions?

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Ask Kari: I think my husband is an alcoholic — how can I help him?

Ask Kari: I think my husband is an alcoholic — how can I help him?

I believe that my husband is an alcoholic. I am desperate to try and help him, as I see him getting worse as the weeks go by. He comes from a family of alcoholics but refuses to listen to my pleas that he gets help with his drinking. What do you suggest? I am worried, and at the end of the line with his behavior.

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Ask Kari: How can I stop my extended family’s bad behavior at family gatherings?

Ask Kari: How can I stop my extended family’s bad behavior at family gatherings?

I met with my extended family for the holidays and I am so frustrated with the poor behaviors that they demonstrated during our family gatherings. How can I get people to behave, to act normal, to not fight with each other when they get together? I cannot believe the amount of disagreements and snide remarks that passed on what was supposed to be a good day. Help me figure this out before our next family gathering.

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Ask Kari: I’m tired of waiting for a proposal! What should I do?

Ask Kari: I’m tired of waiting for a proposal! What should I do?

I am unsure about what to do with my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together since high school (over 10 years). We are in a place in our relationship where I feel we either need to get engaged or at least move in together. My boyfriend disagrees. I should also share that he still lives at home with his parents. How can I get him to better understand my feelings and convince him to make a more permanent commitment to our relationship?

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Ask Kari: If someone you barely know gifts you, are you required to gift back?

Ask Kari: If someone you barely know gifts you, are you required to gift back?

I need help with something that happened to me last holiday season. A neighborhood friend gave me a very special gift, but I had nothing to give to her. She is a nice neighbor, but I was blindsided when she showed up a few days before Christmas with an expensive gift for me. I thanked her for her thoughtfulness, but I felt like a terrible person for not having something special for her in return. This Christmas, I don’t know what to do; she is not someone I spend time with other than waving ‘hello’ and making small talk when I see her. Do you think I should buy her a great gift just in case she does the same for me again this year?

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Ask Kari: I’m bored with our big family holiday gatherings. Do we still attend this year?

Ask Kari: I’m bored with our big family holiday gatherings. Do we still attend this year?

I am feeling torn about the upcoming holiday season. I like my family and in laws most of the time, but I don’t know if I want to spend another boring Thanksgiving or Christmas with them. The last few family occasions have left me feeling disconnected and sad, as hardly anyone puts effort into connecting with each other, people sit like lumps on the couch. Help me decide, do I invite everyone over or should I just keep it small to my immediate family members (my husband and our children)?

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Ask Kari: My daughter is rushing into marriage, how can I stop her?

Ask Kari: My daughter is rushing into marriage, how can I stop her?

My daughter recently got engaged. She met her fiancé online two months ago. I am very concerned she is jumping way too fast into marriage. She has had only 10 dates with her fiancé, yet they plan to get married on Valentine’s Day this year. How can I help her see rushing into a legal marriage is not a good decision, and she should wait until she gets to know her fiancé better?

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Ask Kari: I want to go to college but I’m afraid I’m too old. What can I do?

Ask Kari: I want to go to college but I’m afraid I’m too old. What can I do?

I recently became unemployed because the business where I worked closed. I am 34 years old and I have always wanted to go to college and get my degree in education so that I can become a teacher. Should I try attempting my goal now or am I too old to reach this goal? What if I am the oldest student in my classes? I am scared to go for it because I have always worked in restaurants, not schools. What do you think I should do?

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Ask Kari: My husband is chatting with strange women on Facebook — what should I do?

Ask Kari: My husband is chatting with strange women on Facebook — what should I do?

I am so upset, I was paging through my husband’s Facebook page and I noticed that he chats with a woman I don’t know on his page quite frequently. When I asked him about her, he refused to engage with me. I feel that he owes me this information, since I am his wife. Now, I haven’t been able to think about anything else for the past week, as I am concerned that he is having an affair. What should I do?

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Ask Kari: How to Deal with Back to School Stress?

Ask Kari: How to Deal with Back to School Stress?

Dear Kari, I am enjoying the freedom of summer, but I am beginning to feel stressed about getting my kids back on a schedule for the upcoming school year. How can I get my family to smoothly return to our past system of helping around the house and a bedtime routine?...

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Ask Kari: How do I mend things with my sister?

Ask Kari: How do I mend things with my sister?

My sister and I have not spoken in over two years since we fought over money when we were on vacation together. The pandemic has me reconsidering my family relationships, and I wonder how I should attempt to reconcile with her. What do you suggest?

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Ask Kari: How Can I Help my (Adult) Child?

Ask Kari: How Can I Help my (Adult) Child?

Dear Kari, How do you deal with an adult child (age 24) who refuses to get a job because of COVID and refuses to pay the rent we asked him to contribute, even though he has plenty of money to do so? We would like him to get out on his own, but he is not taking the...

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Ask Kari: I have a secret

Ask Kari: I have a secret

Dear Kari, I saw my best friend’s husband on Tinder looking to hook up and date people. What should I do? Do I tell her? If I tell my best friend her husband is cheating, I am scared I will lose our friendship. Help, please tell me what to do. – A Friend with a Secret...

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Ask Kari: I’m lonely

Ask Kari: I’m lonely

Dear Kari, Help, I am feeling so lonely and defeated about finding love. I am looking for someone to share my life with, but I can’t seem to find the right person. I tried online dating and going to local bars or sports activities, but I still have not met anyone who...

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Ask Kari: How do I mend things with my sister?

Ask Kari: How do I mend things with my sister?

My sister and I have not spoken in over two years since we fought over money when we were on vacation together. The pandemic has me reconsidering my family relationships, and I wonder how I should attempt to reconcile with her. What do you suggest?

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Ask Kari: I’m worried about my sister!

Ask Kari: I’m worried about my sister!

Dear Kari, My sister has been heavily drinking throughout the whole pandemic, and I am worried for her. She is married, has a full-time job, and has two small children doing school online, which I know has been stressful to manage. How can I help her gain control of...

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Ask Kari: Where do I draw the line with my adult teen?

Ask Kari: Where do I draw the line with my adult teen?

Dear Kari, My teenage son has been using marijuana in our house, and I am against him doing so. In general, I am against him smoking marijuana; I do not feel it is healthy to use. He tells me he is 18 years old and can smoke the substance if he wants to. I know I...

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Ask Kari: How do I stop ADHD from ruining my career?

Ask Kari: How do I stop ADHD from ruining my career?

Dear Kari, I am soon to be a new college graduate, and I have ADHD. I have always struggled with getting organized for school, but now that I am heading into the workforce, I am scared my ADHD will keep me from being successful in the career I worked for in college. I...

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Ask Kari: How do I manage it all, daily?

Ask Kari: How do I manage it all, daily?

I am struggling with getting everything I need to do done each day. I have tried reading organizational books, business books, and parenting books to learn everything I need to know and have everything in our family schedule and noted as a to-do task on our list. Unfortunately, we have never completed the to-do list – ever. What are we doing wrong?

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Ask Kari: Anxiety Going Back to Work

Ask Kari: Anxiety Going Back to Work

Help! I am anxious about going back into a work environment and talking to people in person again. How do I adjust to the social dynamics of being in the office again after a year of freedom? Working from home this past year was wonderful for my anxiety. I have felt less anxious overall, especially about social exchanges where I used to struggle. I dread having to worry about carrying on small talk with my colleagues again. What do you recommend I do to get through it all?

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Ask Kari: How do I escape my COVID-19 slump?

Dear Kari, I am COVID-19-ed out! I am so tired of remaining at home by myself. I tried the sing-alongs, the dance-a-thons, the happy hours, and the book clubs, but I need people! At this point, I have lost my will to shower and change my clothes, since I never go...

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How to Cope with Coronavirus Isolation

Kari O’Neill is an Issaquah Highlands resident, a licensed independent clinical social worker, and long-time volunteer writer of our popular Ask Kari column in Connections. As we practice physical distancing, we reached out to Kari for advice on how to cope with...

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Ask Kari: Should I meet my Tinder connection in person?

Dear Kari, I just began online dating and I’m excited to report that I have met a very nice man. He lives two hours away from me, but we talk every day. He wants us to meet in person and I am nervous to do so. Everything about him seems to check out, but what if I...

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Ask Kari: What can I do about my messy roommate?

Dear Kari, I own a three-bedroom house and rent rooms out. One of the tenants is both a friend and a co-worker of mine. The problem is she is a slob. My friend /tenant will leave laundry rotting in the washer, dishes in the sink, clothes in the hallway, and she...

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Ask Kari: How should I handle my selfish mother-in-law?

Dear Kari, I need help handling my selfish mother-in-law. She is the kind of woman who takes the air out of the room. I have tried to build a relationship with her with no success. All she seems to care about is herself and her son (my husband). I can’t even get her...

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Ask Kari: How should I handle a disrespectful colleague?

Dear Kari, I have a colleague at work that is rude to me. She is passive-aggressive whenever we encounter each other and makes facial gestures that are directed my way. Recently, in a meeting she appeared disinterested when I would talk and purposely looked away from...

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Ask Kari: How can I get my teenage son to talk to me?

Dear Kari, I am struggling with talking to my child. My son is 17 years old and he is beginning to not care about school or his sports. He was always a sweet boy, but now he will barely speak to me. His moods are very unpredictable and I am wondering if he is using...

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Ask Kari: What can I do about a dishonest colleague?

Dear Kari, I've been reading your column for a while now and decided to ask you for your professional advice. I work with a girl who pads her timesheet almost everyday. She never reports to work on time. Even if she were an hour late to work, she would write down the...

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Ask Kari: How can I help my young pregnant daughter?

Dear Kari, My 20 year-old daughter is in her second year at college and has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for two years. She recently told us that she is almost 3 months pregnant.  I am overwhelmed with what she has ahead for her now. Her life is going to...

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Ask Kari: How can we stop the parental “money train”?

Dear Kari, My daughter is married to a man who will not get a job. They have three children, she works full-time but for the past three years he has made no effort to find a job or keep one if and when he does get hired. During this time period, we have gotten a call...

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Ask Kari: How can I help my child gain school support?

Dear Kari, My child is struggling in school and I genuinely feel that his teacher does not like him. My son frequently comes home and tells me that his teacher makes fun of him or tells him to be quiet in class. What can I do to support my son and establish support...

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Ask Kari: How can I help my depressed teenage daughter?

Dear Kari, My daughter is 17 and is depressed. She says that she “can’t do anything right and feels like giving up.” She is hard to talk to, and nothing I seem to say or do helps. I have tried reminding her that she is special and that everything will turn out all...

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