Ask Kari: My friend won’t talk to me now that we’re roommates — what should I do?

Dear Kari,

I am having a problem with my roommate. We were friends prior to moving in together last summer, but since we began living together, she keeps to herself most of the time. I have tried to talk with her to see if something is wrong or if I offended her, but she just dismisses me and states that she has nothing to say. Curiously, about the time that we moved in together she began dating her current boyfriend and I am wondering if he doesn’t like me and she is siding with him. What do you think I should do? 

--Confused and Isolated

Dear Confused and Isolated,

I am sorry that your home life is stressful for you. It sounds like your roommate has focused her attention on her boyfriend vs. connecting with others/you. It may be disappointing to lose a friend who you hoped to grow closer to by becoming roommates, but a transition like this is normal. Sometimes we have friends in our lives that fall in love, and naturally begin spending more time with their new love instead of us. I would not take it personally. Also, her new significant other may not have made any statements about you so I would let that theory go unless you hear otherwise. Wish her well, then redirect yourself. I suggest that you branch out and develop some new interests and make plans with others. If your living situation becomes too uncomfortable as time passes, take the initiative to find a better arrangement for yourself vs. waiting for her to become the engaged roommate you hoped for.


As published in the January 2019 issue of Connections.

About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and the owner and Clinical Director of Issaquah Highlands Counseling Group (IHCG), which is now Kari O’Neill Counseling.

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