Ask Kari: I’m tired of being alone — how can I find love?

Dear Kari,

Help, I am feeling so lonely and defeated about finding love. I am looking for someone to share my life with, but I can’t seem to find the right person. I have tried dating online, going to local bars or sports activities, but I still have not been able to meet anyone who is of interest to me or vice versa. I have even gone on a few blind dates this year. I am tired of spending holidays alone. I want to have a Valentine next year, what am I doing wrong?

--Looking for Love

Dear Looking for Love,

I do believe that it can be hard to find love today. We as a society communicate so much through technology that we have lost some of our in-person opportunities to meet people and have natural connections occur. You did not state you age or relationship history, so I will just make some general suggestions. First, think about what you want in a partner. Follow this up with what you offer a potential partner. This should take some time. The list should have 3-5 things that matter most to you in regards to who you are, how you live your life and what most speaks to your heart. Second, make sure that you are out in the community doing things, taking walks, volunteering, meeting friends. Being out and about lets us see the world and allows us to be part of the world, all of this leads to opportunities to meet people of interest, including potential romantic partners.  Third, if you do meet someone of interest, talk with him or her by phone, no texting. Texting does not allow us to hear the human voice and respond to it appropriately. Often communication gaps can develop in this setting, along with unreasonable expectations about how often someone should be contacting us through text. A bond naturally formed is far superior to one that is force-feed (e.g. by constant communication via text).  Fourth, remember that real relationships take time to develop, but chemistry is usually there from the beginning. Chemistry is needed to make the connection last and will not go away even with the passage of time. I wish you good luck in your journey and I wish you future love.


As published in the February 2015 issue of Connections.

About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and the owner and Clinical Director of Issaquah Highlands Counseling Group (IHCG), which is now Kari O’Neill Counseling.

This column is for entertainment purposes only. If you are in crisis and in need of support please contact the Crisis Clinic at 866-427-4747.