Ask Kari: I’m lonely

Dear Kari,
 Help, I am feeling so lonely and defeated about finding love. I am looking for someone to share my life with, but I can’t seem to find the right person. I tried online dating and going to local bars or sports activities, but I still have not met anyone who interests me or vice versa. I have even gone on a few blind dates this year. I am tired of spending the holidays alone. I want to have a Valentine this year – what am I doing wrong?

– Looking for Love

Dear Looking for Love,

I do believe it can be hard to find love today. We communicate so much through technology that we have lost some in-person opportunities to meet people and create natural connections. You did not state your age or relationship history, so I will just make some general suggestions.

First, think about what you want in a partner and follow up with what you offer a potential partner. This exercise should take some time. The list should have three to five things that most matter to you in connection with who you are, how you live your life, and what most speaks to your heart.

Second, make sure you are out in the community doing things: taking walks, volunteering, and meeting friends since being out and about lets us see the world and allows us to be part of it, leading to opportunities to meet people of interest (including potential romantic partners).

Third, if you meet someone of interest, talk to them by phone without texting. Texting does not allow us to hear the human voice and respond appropriately. Often communication gaps develop in this setting, along with unreasonable expectations about how often someone should be contacting us through text.

Lastly, remember that real relationships take time to develop, but chemistry is usually there from the beginning. Chemistry is needed to make a connection last and will not go away if you allow time to pass.

I wish you good luck in your journey, and I wish you future love.

– Kari

As published in the February 2022 issue of Connections.

About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

This column is for entertainment purposes only. If you are in crisis and in need of support please contact the Crisis Clinic at 866-427-4747.