Ask Kari: I have a secret

Dear Kari,

I saw my best friend’s husband on Tinder looking to hook up and date people. What should I do? Do I tell her? If I tell my best friend her husband is cheating, I am scared I will lose our friendship. Help, please tell me what to do.

– A Friend with a Secret

Dear A Friend with a Secret,

I would not tell your friend about finding her husband on Tinder at this time. I feel you could put your friendship at risk and lose someone you care deeply about in your life. If you tell her, she may feel embarrassed and end contact with you, or she may already know her husband has relationships with others and chooses to ignore it/accept it out of fear of losing her marriage.

It’s hard for me to assess without knowing your friend personally, but I have treated many patients with this issue in my practice, and it’s a very delicate situation. In the future, if your friend shares her husband has been cheating, you might want to share your findings with her at that time since you would not be the first person to bring the matter out into the open.

I wish you and your friend well. Be a support system for her until these matters have more clarity.

– Kari