Ask Kari: My parents loan me money — how can I tell my brother that’s none of his business?

Dear Kari,

My brother has been guilting me into feeling bad that our parents have loaned me money periodically to help me stay afloat. I have told him that my personal matters do not involve him, but he states that they do because it involves our parents and family money. How do you suggest I get him to stay out of my private matters?

– Feeling Hassled and Angry

Dear Feeling Hassled and Angry,

I do feel that the agreements you have with you parents regarding financial support are matters between you and them. I recommend you discuss you brother’s statements with your parents and ask for their input. Potentially, it may be best to have a family meeting and establish boundaries regarding general family matters and private family matters. Chart a course for occasions when not every family member is included in decisions, especially those involving money. Your parents are self-determining, and if they choose to periodically loan you money to get by, that is between you and them.

– Kari

As published in the December 2019 issue of Connections.

About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

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