Ask Kari: Should I let my daughter’s boyfriend sleep at our home?

Dear Kari,

My daughter has returned home for the summer for college and she would like to have her boyfriend sleep at our home. My daughter feels that this is normal and acceptable because she is an adult and they have sleepovers at college. I am torn. I recognize that she is adult, but I do not feel that her ways of life need to be brought into our family home where she is still a dependent. What do you think I should do?

– Confused Mother

Dear Confused Mother,

While I understand your daughter’s belief system and desire to have her boyfriend visit, I do feel that what works best for you in your home matters most. The fact that your daughter and her boyfriend are still in college and your daughter is a dependent of the family system, means that the family system rules lead. If you were to change the rules for your home environment, I actually think that it will add stress to the situation because you have lowered your standards and may end up resenting it later.


As published in the July 2019 issue of Connections.

About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

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