Ask Kari: Should I tell my best friend I saw her husband on Tinder?

Dear Kari,

I saw my best friend’s husband on Tinder looking to hook up and date people. What should I do? Do I tell her? I am scared that I will lose our friendship if I am the one who tells her that he is cheating. Help, please tell me what to do.

– A Friend with a Secret

Dear A Friend with a Secret,

I would not tell your friend about finding her husband on Tinder at this time. I feel that you could put your friendship at risk and lose someone that you care about deeply. If you tell her, she may feel embarrassed and end contact with you all together. Or, she may also already know that her husband has relationships with others and chooses to ignore it/accept it out of fear of losing her marriage. It’s hard for me to assess without knowing her personally, but I have treated many patients with this issue in my practice and it’s a very delicate situation. If in the future, she shares with you that her husband has been cheating, you might want to share your findings with her at that time That way you would not be the first one to bring the matter out into the open, perhaps embarrassing her. I wish you and her well. Be her friend; be a support to her until matters have more clarity.


As published in the February 2019 issue of Connections.


About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

This column is for entertainment purposes only. If you are in crisis and in need of support please contact the Crisis Clinic at 866-427-4747.

Email your Ask Kari questions to [email protected] or use our online form. All email user personal information will remain confidential and not be published.