Ask Kari: Was it inappropriate of my friend to inform me (in public) that she saw my husband on Tinder?

Dear Kari,

My friend from book club pulled me aside at the last gathering and informed me that my husband was on the dating site Tinder. I could not believe that she talked to me about this at a social event that had numerous people in attendance. Although she spoke to me alone, it was an incredibly awkward evening from that moment on. Don’t you think this was inappropriate of her?

No Friend of Mine

Dear No Friend of Mine,

While I can understand that you were stunned to have a friend disclose such information to you at a social event, I am wondering why you made no comment about your husband’s potential behavior? I am guessing that you friend recently discovered the information and wanted to talk with you about it as soon as she saw you. I do agree that contacting you privately would have been the best vs. talking about such a personal matter in mixed company. But, again, I am wondering, did you already know this information and accepted it, and only became embarrassed and upset when you found out a friend discovered the information, too? If so, it demonstrates that you are not okay with such behavior by your spouse. If this is true, then I recommend that you handle the matter privately with your husband. In the future, if a friend brings this topic up, respond by setting up a boundary in which you state that you don’t talk about your marriage with anyone but your husband.


As published in the July 2016 issue of Connections.


About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

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