Ask Kari: My husband humiliated me at my office picnic — should I just forget about it?

Dear Kari,

My husband recently came with me to my office picnic. About an hour into the party he smoked marijuana, drank some liquor and started talking loudly to everyone. While I tired to calm him down and asked him to behave, he ignored me.  We left the party about two hours later and I was humiliated by his behavior. He now tells me that I should just ‘forget about it, it’s in the past’, but I am still upset that he embarrassed me.  What do you think?

Still Steaming

Dear Still Steaming,

It is understandable that you were embarrassed by your husband’s behavior at your office picnic.  Smoking marijuana and drinking too much is never a good idea, especially when it comes to doing so in a social setting where an employer may be watching you. You did not state if this is normal behavior for your husband, so I will assume that it is not and that he made some bad choices that day. Unfortunately, his bad choices could be reflected back towards you since you are married to him and you brought him to your office event. I would keep the matter between you and him at this point, letting go out what your colleagues might feel about what happened that day. I suggest that you speak with your husband and tell him in detail what disappointed you about the day and what you would like to be different if you attend another public event together. It is a reasonable expectation that he make better choices in the future, especially if he cares about you, your feelings, and your professional career. Good luck.


As published in the October 2015 issue of Connections.


About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

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