Ask Kari: Why would my husband suddenly ask me to wear fancy lingerie?

Dear Kari,

My husband recently told me that he wants me to dress in lingerie. More specifically, wear fancy bras and underwear even when I am just hanging around the house. I don’t know what to do with this request. I thought we had a good marriage and sex life, but now I am beginning to wonder where this request is coming from. What do you think is going on?

Confused Wife in Issaquah

Dear Confused Wife in Issaquah,

Well, I would start with asking him the question, where is his desire coming from. Is this a new desire that he has developed recently or is his missing a period of your relationship in the past in which he perceives you wore more lingerie? Either way, follow up with asking him if he is feeling disconnected from you. Is he trying to spark the relationship by requesting that more sexy undergarments are brought into the picture? Explore how he would like the relationship to be different and what he is also willing to do to bring a better romantic exchange between the two of you (more effort than you wearing the lingerie). If you ask him to elaborate and the conversation seems to goes nowhere, I recommend you seek out marriage counseling for additional support.


As published in the September 2015 issue of Connections.


About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

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