Ask Kari: What should I do if I disapprove of my friend using a harness with her toddler?

Dear Kari,

My best friend uses a harness with her toddler when we go to the mall, and I am having a hard time telling her that I feel like she is treating her child like an animal. We are very close, but I am confused by this parenting decision, and I don’t feel comfortable walking through the mall with her when she has her son on a leash. It’s just wrong to me. How can I tell her how I feel without ruining the friendship?

--Confused BFF

Dear Confused BFF,

You are definitely in a tough position, as most people, even our good friends, do not appreciate receiving parenting advice that they did not seek out. I would gently remind your friend that she has other options when taking her son to the mall such as a stroller. You could also ask your friend in a genuine manner, when and how she determined that the harness was the best way to travel in public with her son. Doing so may offer you the opportunity to have a further conversation about your feelings and give her an additional viewpoint that she may be missing. Good luck.

–Kari

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About Kari: Dr. O’Neill is a Doctor of Social Work, and a board-certified licensed independent clinical social worker. Dr. O’Neill completed her undergraduate and graduate education at the University of Washington and her doctorate at Tulane University, and currently serves as an affiliated medical staff member at Swedish Hospital Issaquah.

 

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