Ask Kari: I’m still single — how can I find a life partner who is interested in the same things I am?

Dear Kari,

How can I find love today? How can someone find a good person, who is respectful, kind, happy, and fun in today’s dating world? I feel that I have tried everything, I mean everything, and I am still single. How can I find a life partner who is interested in the same things I am?

--Loveless in Seattle

Dear Loveless in Seattle,

I do believe that it is hard to date and find love in today’s world, mostly because we have so few connections with other human beings on a regular basis. While I do appreciate all the wonderful technology we have today (phones, computers, etc.), I do feel that it has impacted the spontaneous encounters that we used to have with others, especially when it comes to dating. To find love today, I would do activities that interest you, whether it be sports, taking classes, or volunteering at an organization that interests you. Just get out of your home and do activities that are a good match for you. Typically, when you do, you will find others who you connect with. When you do find a connection, look for these traits: someone who follows through with making plans with you; someone who shows up on time; and one who treats other people respectfully when you are out on a date. These are the beginning traits to look for when you are dating. Someone who typically follows through with their word usually is a good partner in life because you can count on them. They demonstrate a strong sense of maturity in their predictability of actions. Also, remember to go slow and allow a relationship to develop naturally over the course of weeks and months vs. claiming love too soon, or having unrealistic expectations about what a potential partner should offer you early on. Good luck and take your time, as real love does exist when you maturely wait for it.


As published in the February 2017 issue of Connections.

About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and the owner and Clinical Director of Issaquah Highlands Counseling Group (IHCG), which is now Kari O’Neill Counseling.

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