Ask Kari: Why do I feel so lonely in my marriage?

Dear Kari,

My husband and I lead a boring life. I feel like I cannot take another day of us living in the same home but not speaking to each other except to check in with what’s for dinner each night. I have tried everything, including marriage counseling with him and nothing changes. Everyday I think about leaving him but I never make it to the door or follow through with making a real effort to save myself. What is wrong with me?

--Married and Lonely

Dear Married and Lonely,

You sound very sad and disappointed with the state of your marriage. I believe you when you say that you have tried everything. I recommend that you and your husband focus on the things that brought you together as a couple in the first place. See if you can refocus your energy on those things now. From there, have an open conversation on what is not working for both of you and what you both would like to bring into the relationship today. Move forward by making agreements about what you will accept and not accept in the relationship moving forward, then take action to do it. Good luck.


As published in the October 2014 issue of Connections.

About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and the owner and Clinical Director of Issaquah Highlands Counseling Group (IHCG), which is now Kari O’Neill Counseling.

This column is for entertainment purposes only. If you are in crisis and in need of support please contact the Crisis Clinic at 866-427-4747.