Ask Kari: After 15 years of marriage, what should I do if my husband wants to rethink our marriage?

Dear Kari,

My husband and I are about to celebrate our 15th anniversary, but instead of going away together to celebrate, he told me that he needs some time alone. I asked him what that meant and he said, “He needs to think about things”. What should I do? I am devastated.

--Broken Hearted

Dear Broken Hearted,

I am sorry that you were planning a nice future anniversary celebration with your husband and he expressed different feelings to you. I recommend that you have a very crucial conversation with you husband, beginning with how you both feel about each other and your marriage overall (e.g. do you enjoy each others company, are you both attracted to each other, is there a desire to be intimate with your partner, do you want to remain married in the future). I know that this may seem like a hard conversation to have and it may even seem scary for you to even start, but it is a needed one. Hopefully the two of you can discuss how you both feel about each other and your marriage and come to some agreements and hopes for the future. If the conversation struggles, I recommended that you seek out marital counseling for additional support.


As published in the February 2016 issue of Connections.

About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker and the owner and Clinical Director of Issaquah Highlands Counseling Group (IHCG), which is now Kari O’Neill Counseling.

This column is for entertainment purposes only. If you are in crisis and in need of support please contact the Crisis Clinic at 866-427-4747.