Ask Kari: My boyfriend cheated — should I give him another chance?

Dear Kari,

My ex-boyfriend cheated on me repeatedly over the three years that we were together. Now he tells me that he wants to get back together and get married. He calls/texts me every few days begging for another chance. He says that he has learned so much since we broke up, and that he will never hurt me again. I don’t know if I should give him another try. What do you think I should do?

– Hurt and Confused

Dear Hurt and Confused,

I will give you the short answer to your question. People show us how they will treat us at the beginning of our relationship with them. Unfortunately, we sometimes do not notice it. But upon further review and reflection, we usually see that there were warning signs of trouble if we look back mindfully. You have already had trouble with your Ex. Save yourself from future trouble. When people love and care for us, they respect us, which includes honoring their words and agreements with us, as not doing so would hurt us deeply. Good partners do not want to cause harm to their loved ones and make their life choices based on that rule. Wait for good love with someone who carries your heart with them every day, as that is kind of love that lasts a lifetime.


As published in the October 2018 issue of Connections.


About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

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