Ask Kari: I can’t believe my ex-husband friended his ex-girlfriend on Facebook – should I confront him?

Dear Kari,

My ex-husband (we were married for 3 years), has just friended his ex-girlfriend on Facebook. I saw the post announcing that they were friends, and I almost passed out! He told me that he would never speak to her again when we were married. He told me that he never truly liked her or trusted her, yet he is now friendly with her again. What should I do? Should I confront him?

Upset Ex-Wife

Dear Upset Ex-Wife,

You have not stated in your question how long you have been divorced, which would impact my answer. If it’s only been a few months and you need to communicate with your ex regarding other personal matters, you could drop in a question about the Facebook posting when talking to him. If it’s been years, (one year of more), I would recommend that you keep your curiosity to yourself and focus on your own life, rather than his. You both have ended your marriage and should at this point wish each other well, inclusive of dating others again. We keep our dignity when we don’t chase past relationships simply due to curiosity, as it can appear desperate and unhealthy by others. Also, at this point you do not have any idea if their re-friending on social media is due to opportunity (e.g. seeing one’s name pop up, or if one of them searched for the other party). Either way, I would let it go.


As published in the March 2017 issue of Connections.


About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

This column is for entertainment purposes only. If you are in crisis and in need of support please contact the Crisis Clinic at 866-427-4747.

Email your Ask Kari questions to [email protected] or use our online form. All email user personal information will remain confidential and not be public.