Ask Kari: After only dating men, could I be attracted to my same-sex coworker?

Dear Kari,

I have an unusual situation going on. I have been spending a lot of time with a friend at work and I really like her, almost too much. I am a female and I consider myself heterosexual, but sometimes when we hang out and lay near each other watching television there’s tension between us. She has dated both men and women, whereas I have only dated men. I cannot tell if I am drawn to her or if the circumstances are in front of me in which I can explore a relationship with a woman.  Is it simply the opportunity that I am drawn to? Help, I am confused!

Confused in Issaquah

Dear Confused in Issaquah,

You don’t state your age, but typically if you have only dated men in your adult life then it could be said with confidence that you are heterosexual. That said, feelings of connection and love could develop between people in unexpected circumstances. I would take your time and wait for your heart to speak to you. If you are still struggling, I suggest that you make an appointment with a counselor to explore the issue in more depth before following through with action, as you don’t want to ruin a good friendship by moving too fast when you are unsure of what you want to do.


As published in the November 2014 issue of Connections.


About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

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