Ask Kari: How can I move forward after my son lied about being gay?

Dear Kari,

My son who is twenty recently told me he is gay and that his best friend is actually his boyfriend. I feel like he has been hiding the truth from me, as a few times in the past I asked him if he was gay and he denied it. I feel like I have always been supportive of him and would have welcomed knowing his sexual orientation earlier. Also, I feel like he should have told me about his relationship status with his boyfriend instead of pretending they were just friends. How can we move forward and how can I accept his new relationship?

Confused Mom

Dear Confused Mom,

It can be hard when our children hide things from us. Your son may have been scared and unsure about how best to share his sexual orientation and his relationship with you. I suggest that you give him the benefit of doubt. Recognize that his telling you the truth was not an easy process, and move forward. Also, remind him that you love him and always will, but need to be included in his important life details and not only selected parts. Then, invite him and his partner to dinner and begin to get to know them as a couple. Good luck.


As published in the April 2014 issue of Connections.


About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

This column is for entertainment purposes only. If you are in crisis and in need of support please contact the Crisis Clinic at 866-427-4747.

Email your Ask Kari questions to [email protected] or use our online form. All email user personal information will remain confidential and not be public.