Dear Kari,
I have been living with my boyfriend for over four years and I desperately want to get married and start a family. He keeps telling me that he has some personal goals he needs to achieve before this can happened. I don’t want to leave, but I also don’t want to keep waiting for his perfect moment, what should I do?
Waiting for a Ring
Dear Waiting for a Ring,
Four years of cohabitating is long enough to determine if a relationship is real love that will last a lifetime. While it is important to take your partner’s goals into consideration, it is equally important for him to take your dreams and wishes for a family and marriage into consideration. A happy, long marriage is made up of two people who are a team ebbing and flowing to the changing needs of each partner through the lifetime of the relationship. When you love someone, you will at times put their needs before your own in order to support them. That is love. I would suggest that you sit down with your boyfriend and tell him in detail what you want (marriage and children in the immediate future). A man who truly loves you and has the similar life goals to yours, will take your dreams into consideration along with his.
Kari
As published in the February 2013 issue of Connections.
About Kari:
Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.
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