Ask Kari: I no longer feel passionately in love with my husband — what should I do?

Dear Kari,

I have been married for 9 years to my first love. We have one child, a son who is 6 years old. We both love him very much, but I am beginning to feel that we no longer love each other passionately like we should. We are no longer intimate and live like roommates in our home. I don’t want to live the rest of my life like this, but I also do not want to split up our family. What do you think I should do?

Married But Just Friends

Dear Married But Just Friends,
I would start by talking with your husband and asking him how he feels about the current state of your marriage and then follow up by sharing your own feelings of loss of connection and love with him. Then, I suggest that you both seek out therapeutic support from a counselor to help address the issues that you are experiencing together as a couple, as well as the goals that both of you have moving forward. A good therapist can help a couple look deeply as their history together and discover if the love they shared early on is meant to last a lifetime or should the relationship end and they part friends. Either way, showing your son what real love looks like is a better example than living in a loveless marriage.


As published in the April 2013 issue of Connections.

About Kari:

Kari O’Neill, MSW, LICSW, is a licensed independent clinical social worker and a resident of Issaquah Highlands.

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